Rules for Virgins – Amy Tan


I will accompany you on the zither until your warbled notes don’t sound like two cats screeching over the same dead mouse.

Mosquito press


You are too young to know yet what nostalgia truly means. It takes time to become sentimental. But for the sake of your success, you must quickly learn. When you touch a man’s nostalgia, he is yours.


They make men think all flowers are pickpockets of the heart. You won’t find any courtesans like that in this house, so don’t you become one.


Here, we don’t go back and forth on the price. It is three dollars for a party, and it does not include riding on the stem. No argument.


Some of my clients reached the heights through eyes alone. You think that’s victory? Ha. Once the stem shrinks to normal, the man is no longer urgent. He’s content to go home.


We all thought he should have had his stem cut off and fed to the dogs, and the madam of the house thought so, too. She hired gangsters to track him down, and let’s just say that they fed that dog much more than his stem.


There is a type who thinks he can order up any kind of sex, like dishes on a menu.


Whatever any man requests, you should never degrade him for his desires, nor should you accept being degraded. If he’s drunk and pisses on you, ring the chimes and I will come and remove him from your room. Don’t accept extra money to let him do these things. You know what happens to a woman who lets herself be degraded? She winds up with a pimp and lies on the floor of a chophouse, where rickshaw pullers and laborers fuck her, one after another, a hundred a day. She never has a chance to close her legs or her mouth until she’s pounded into raw meat and dies. I’ve always wondered why those women don’t kill themselves. Maybe they think it’s their fate and if they endure it they will have a better life in the next. I would rather kill myself and return as a fly.


Just remember there is a difference between giving a man a glimpse and letting him examine the goods in detail.


A virgin must be pure white. And right now you are as hairy as a man. Curly hair on the pudendum is unattractive, like seaweed, not at all silky.


You might be with a man who seems quite virile at the party but is ashamed later that his warrior was more of a foot soldier.

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